Who is Responsible for De-Escalation?

“It’s not FAIR!” is the chorus from children around the world at a certain age… and sometimes... I still say that to myself today. I am old enough now to know that the world does not run on fairness, however much we wish it would. Some people are born with a leg-up in the world because their families had bountiful resources and connections. Other people get a lucky break at some point and luck is not fair either. And still other times the system is as fair as it can be… and yet… it still doesn’t FEEL fair.
  
More often than not these days, when my brain is screaming at me, “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” it is because someone twice my age is throwing a tantrum or hissy fit. In these moments, the angel on my shoulder reminders me that, “You are never not a 5-year-old. Every person has the capability to throw a temper tantrum… especially on their bad days.” But in the next breath, the devil on my other shoulder responds, “But it is not fair! Why do I have to be the emotionally mature person to calm down the person throwing a hissy fit? This person is twice my age! Haven’t they learned how to regulate their emotions yet? For once, I would like to be the one who is allowed to throw the temper tantrum!” To that, the angel chimes in again: “I know it would probably feel good in the moment to throw a fit, and yell, and scream, and carry on… and I know it isn’t fair that you have to be the adult in the room… but this situation will get a whole lot worse and have a dramatically worse outcome if you indulge that impulse. For now, you need to de-escalate the situation and save your personal hissy fit for when you are at home by yourself.”

The idea that I bring to you all today is de-escalation: “De-escalation refers to the methods and actions taken to decrease the severity of a conflict, whether of physical, verbal or another nature," wikipeadia. De-escalation is a conflict resolution tool used to calm a room or situation so that clearing minds can prevail. It can, at first, look like weakness and vulnerability because de-escalation often requires someone to back down to some degree. It requires humility and admitting that you may have made an error or misunderstood the other party. The hope is that by one person backing off the situation, the other person will feel safe to do the same. This often takes training to get good at this skill. Trained mediators are often used to de-escalate contentious situations so that both parties feel safe to walk back the tension.

But when we are out and about in the world, who is responsible for de-escalation?

As we are about in the world, skilled moderators are not usually nearby when something happens and de-escalation is needed. If a customer is yelling at an employee, the employee is often expected to de-escalate the situation. If that isn’t working, a store manager is often called in as a mediator. Other times still, a kind fellow customer might step in to try and de-escalate the situation. Government officers are also supposed to de-escalate tense situations. I think this why people’s perception of the police can differ: some people feel that the police de-escalate the situation while others feel that the presence of police is itself an escalation of the situation.

As I pay attention to current events, one of my fears is whose responsibility is it to de-escalate tense, sometimes violent situations that keep cropping up? Generally speaking, I don’t feel it is the general public’s responsibility to de-escalate because most people have not been given training on how to do so. Therefore, the general public can be expected to make impulsive decisions based on fear, anger, or other overwhelming emotions. Without training, people are prone to panic and make irrational decisions based on primal fight or flight responses. While they are still responsible for their actions, de-escalation should not primarily be their responsibility.

The person that I do believe has the responsibility to de-escalate any given situation is government employee that has been given a weapon with the capacity to injure or kill. Because the presence of a weapon inherently escalates the feeling of tension, fear, and potential violence, the one bearing the weapon has the inherent responsibility to lower the fear and tension in a situation. It is not fun having to be the adult in the room that is responsible for managing another person's emotional state. But when someone has the power to take life, it is essential that that person is able to regulate their own emotions in the moment and then help the other person regulate theirs.

Because those with institutional power and government sanctioned weapons are escalating situations across the United States in various towns and cities rather than de-escalating them, it is unsurprising to me that the public and protestors are responding by escalating the situation further in order to protect what they care about.

Jesus tells us that “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9. That means that our faith calls us to make for peace and de-escalate situations when it is in our power to do so. It isn’t as fun as throwing a fit, but it is our calling. Yet we must also understand why others are not choosing this route in the face of state-sanctioned violence. If the state does not also agree to de-escalate and instead used more violence against the people, we must do what we can to protect all of God’s beloved children.

Blessings, 
Pastor Chris